I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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