I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
