My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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