Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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