i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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