loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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