he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
