Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
