I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
