At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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