I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
