So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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