if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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