he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
