woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize