Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
