I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
