I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
