yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize