opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
