it wasn't lemon gatorade
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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