That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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