she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
