Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think I just sharted jello shots
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