Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
