Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
