I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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