Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
