White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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