i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
only if we run a train.
done.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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