Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Panties = found
Randomize
