Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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