one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
