At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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