I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
