ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
