Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize