I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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