its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
