to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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