im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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