My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
