i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
