shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
