God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we made out on top of his cat.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
