I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
