I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize