One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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