Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize