So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
