Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
