too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize