Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
