You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
