Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He kissed a someone with a penis
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
