Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I cannot find my penis.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize