i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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