who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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