I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My breasts were aching with rage.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
