Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
