Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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