all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
