i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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