We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i drank out of a bidet.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
