when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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