i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
