Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
