I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
